First posted 20 December 2009

Have you noticed how women are so much better than men at multi-tasking? This is not by chance. It is no fluke. You see, the female was designed as a multi-tasker. The male on the other hand, for very good reasons back then, was designed as a single-tasker. In an earlier era when roles were more clearly defined, when danger lurked nearby, perhaps in the form of, let’s say, a sabre-tooth tiger, it was the stone-age male who was called upon to defend his brood. The stone-age female cooked the bits that were left over … presumably not those of the stone-age male.

Unfortunately, for the male at least, many of those particular skills that gave him so much purpose back then have diminished in relevance over the years. There is little these days that the modern era male has to respond to in the way of life threatening danger and his hunting skills are rarely on display. He no longer returns home from a hard day in the jungle to throw a dinosaur leg on the table with an instruction,

“Cook this medium rare!”

His purpose in life now is much more mundane … work … earn money … give to wife.

Yet those particular skills that gave the female an edge in a bygone era are still required today. The female still has need of those multi-tasking skills she was given back when marriage proposals consisted of a club behind the ear and a good dragging off to her fiancée’s cave.

I have observed my wife multi-tasking. At the end of the day, multi-tasking for me consists of pouring two glasses of wine instead of one, but she continues to prepare the evening meal; chopping onions and carrots while asking me how my day went; reading the cook book; making a note to ring the gas company about the oven; remembering birthdays in mid-sentence; scratching something apparently vitally important on the calendar; and all the time making seemingly appropriate responses to my daily report.

I’ve tried to catch her out …

“I was in meetings right up until 11.30 this morning.

• Hmmm – she murmurs.

“We’re going to have a few problems with the new accountant”

• Really? She replies abstractly.

Slight pause … preceded by a narrowing of the eyes because she obviously isn’t taking any notice.

“Rob across the road has decided to grow cabbages in his anus”

• Has he? Doesn’t he have a garden?

There’s no doubt about it, they are good at it. And it isn’t fair. While the female purpose in life has honed their skills to the level of Merlin the Magician, our relevance has been reduced almost to the point of irrelevance. These days, while we may long for the opportunity to leap to the defense of almost anyone, it just doesn’t happen. The time when, in the middle of preparing the evening meal, she would cry out, “Whoa, there’s a sabre-toothed tiger at the mouth of the cave, have sadly passed us by. And yet, her days in the sun continue.

Women love to multi-task. For them it’s a specialty and they love to demonstrate to us men that we suck at it. But in all fairness, we weren’t designed to multi-task, and if we were, the species might have been wiped out long before it had a chance to dominate. Having too many options reduces your effectiveness.

“Look out, there’s a sabre-toothed tiger. Stand back, I’ll deal with this” All the time swishing with a large club at the beast’s head, might have become something quite different.

“Sabre-toothed tiger! Quick, save the wedding photos. Don’t forget the large pot with the good lid. Get my old pair of tennis socks; I have some money hidden in them.” That is not the frame of mind one needs to be in when fighting a ferocious beast.

One needs to be focused … I once let my house burn down with $4,000.00 tucked away in an old pair of tennis socks. It was worth more than $4,000 to explain to her how I came by the money.

And there’s little we can do about the situation either. Unless something catastrophic happens to the world, and it had better be soon, we males are going to find it more and more difficult to stay relevant. I’m thinking off starting a group – The Sabre-tooth Tiger Club – where we males can discuss way of remaining relevant.

In the meantime I’m going to practice my multi-tasking skills by opening two beers. Rob’s coming over. We’re talking cabbages.

J Raymond Long